I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
that may or may not have been my penis.
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