Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
