As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
false alarm. still invincible.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
