Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
operation have a gay friend backfired
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
