There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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