I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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