my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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