it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
