I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
