i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the condom got lost in my hair
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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