Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
