Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
