Sacagawea was the original milf.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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