Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
