No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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