he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
