It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
