8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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