Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
