you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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