if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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