so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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