I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
