two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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