You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
