I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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