I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
