did you get engaged???
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
