so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
