I am spending my child support on dildos
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
