I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
