Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
