david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
