I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
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You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
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You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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