And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
there is glitter all over my balls
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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