Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
