i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
