I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
