So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
