obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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