there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
