so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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