Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
