omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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