yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
