i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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