I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
