Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
