he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
