god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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