Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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