New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
