I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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