She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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