His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
