I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
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Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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