can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
