you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
