If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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