don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
