It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
