my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
