The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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