She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
