"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
