I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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