Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
