90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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