found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
