my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
