I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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