no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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