Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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