adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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