Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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