dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
