My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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