I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He better not be in your backpack
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
