I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I skipped work to stalk him.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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