Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
