So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
