I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
