Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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